I met an old farmer today who told me my eyes looked like his wife’s who had passed away. His had a grey sort of lostness in them. He was a hay farmer and when he spoke he weaved his big, worn hands in and out of each other, as if he had more to say, but couldn’t quite put it into words. “Those were the happiest years of my life,”
he told me.
He told me it was because they had loved each other so deeply. He told me that they had had nothing. No education, no fancy house or cabin…they just had the little bit of land his father had owned. And that’s how they made ends meet. He told me that he felt redeemed by not having everything the world has, but that it felt freeing being able to love each other in such quiet and simple places, as two flawed human beings. He said that his wife would often say, “I don’t want anything else. Just you.” And he told me that’s all he needed to hear everyday, to be a happy man.
I left the conversation shaken. I am someone that had chased adventure my entire life. I have rock climbed craggy mountains and I have cliff jumped into lakes and oceans. I’ve ridden on motorcycles with hands in the air through the middle of the night on a lighted city street and I partied too hard. I lived for the moments of feeling alive, like when I laid in a hammock in Colorado and stared at the night sky littered with billions of stars, the hammock swaying, the wind whispering through the trees and the world quiet with the wild. I travelled when I felt ripped apart and lost; I would run to the next high I could get and from the next adrenaline pumping event. I am someone that put emphasis on a career path, on a graduation cap and I am definitely someone that cared deeply about how I appeared to others.
But he was right. If you have the ultimate love, if you have a quiet place, that one person that loves the dusty corners of your soul, that one person you know would go to the ends of the earth for you…you need nothing else…and frankly…you want nothing else.
Isn’t that beautiful? How many people have travelled the world, climbed the mountain, written the book, looked the best, had the most?
And how many people had a love that made you forget about every single one of those things?
I’m not saying to not do those things, to not love adventure…I am only saying that love is something more. Love is something of far more worth. Love is something you can take with you when you leave this earth. Love is something you can count on. Love is something you should hold onto. Maybe love will go with you on adventures….or maybe love will be your adventure.
But I think he was right, the farmer with worn hands, I think he had something there. As I thought about it, I felt a peace sink in and a smile crack through my lips.
And maybe that’s what the new year is all about. Coming into deep rooted love. Perhaps with your significant other, perhaps with yourself, perhaps with God himself.
This new year I want to take the steps to become deeper in love with my husband. And to me, that means welcoming the days of small beginnings. Being ok with just living with little, experiencing small things and knowing each other deeply.
This new year many need to know themselves deeply. Many need to not run from their hurts, but simply live with them and realize that the things that hurt us, are the things that also healed us. They are what made us who we are. They need to let themselves truly reside alone and look inward and learn themselves in ways they never could before. Learning to love themselves and live in peace with themselves.
Many need to learn God, without legalities, without barriers and without their brain getting in the way of their heart. Many need to open themselves up fully to his grace and drown in the impact of his love.
New Years to me, never meant what diet I was going to try or what event I was going to pursue…it was always inward.
So this new year I want to look inward. And I want to live in love, with my husband, with myself, and with God. And bask in the days of small beginnings.
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